The Art of Reading People

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Daily, we engage with a vast number of people and whether it is from far away, having no contact or close in conversation, we can read them. By looking at many distinct factors in other beings around us, we can tell much about their personality and attitude. To be able to read people we should observe their posture, movements, behavior, and movements.

“Logic alone won’t tell you the whole story about anybody” says Judith Orloff M.D. in Psychology Today. “You must surrender to other vital forms of information so that you can learn to read the important non-verbal intuitive cues that people give off.”

It is complicated to only use basic judgement or past experiences to give us any information about the people we are surrounded with, so we can observe other factors to give us insight. The first thing we can observe is people’s posture, which reveals much about them. Much of one’s attitude and personality can be seen in the way our bodies are positioned.

“When it comes to posture, look for if they hold their high in a confident manner,” says Orloff. “Or if they walk indecisively or cower, which indicates low self-esteem.”

Posture gives much insight into a person’s attitude and personality; likewise physical movements also do. Things we must observe about a person are whether they are leaning close or not, the position of their arms and legs, and lip biting or cuticle picking. We lean towards those we like and lean away from those we do not like. When our arms and feet are relaxed, we are most likely in a good mood, if their arms or feet are crossed, they are probably not in a good mood. If someone is lip biting or cuticle picking, they are probably uncomfortable or feeling awkward.

“If they’re leaning in, if their hands are out and open, palms facing up, that’s a good sign that they are connecting with you,” says Evy Poumpauras, a former special agent. “If someone is leaning in and all of a sudden you say something and their arms are crossed, now I know I said something that this person didn’t like.”

Noticeable and subtle physical movements tell much about a person’s attitude and personality; observing their behavior can also tell much about them. One must be careful analyzing behavior though, because often people like having their eyes closed while talking because they are comfortable, not avoiding eye contact. We must analyze the person and see if there are any changes from their natural behavior because some behaviors can already be engraved in the person.

“Learn how to identify any deviation from a person’s usual behavior,” says Jude Paler in her article. “You will know something is wrong when you notice a change in their tone, pace, or body language.”

Posture, physical movements, and behaviors say a lot about a person, but we can also add tone to the list. When talking to someone we can read them by listening to the tone they speak in and changes they make, if any. If they have a soothing tone, they probably are comfortable and in a good mood. If they have a snappy mood, they are probably angry or going through something.

“The tone and volume of our voice can tell much about our emotions,” says Orloff. “Sound frequencies create vibrations. When reading people, notice how their tone of voice affects you.”

A person’s tone can be an efficient way to read people and one can also pay attention to a person’s choice of words to read them. To understand how other people think or what is going on in their mind, we can pay attention to and analyze their words, because we reflect who we are through our words.  Words reflect characteristics of one’s personality, so they are good to read others. Words that reveal insight about oneself are called “Word Clues” by Jack Schafer Ph.D., in Psychology Today. Words Clues are a useful tool to be able to see characteristics of others’ personality and attitude. For example, if a person uses secretive or shallow words, we can infer that they are a reserved person that is careful with their words or they are person who takes longer to trust others.

“Word Clues alone cannot determine a person’s personality traits, but they do provide insights into a person’s thought process and behavioral characteristics,” says Schafer.” Hypotheses can be developed based on Word Clues and then tested by using additional information elicited from the person or third-party corroboration.”

Finally, there are many good ways one can evaluate others so we can read them and know more about them without them explicitly saying it. We must be careful though when reading others because we can make wrong assumptions, go based off past experiences, or simply be wrong. We must look for context and make sure we are closely and carefully examining others to make the right inferences about who and how they are. Remember that reading others is not about reading their minds or anything of that sort, it is about knowing them and understanding them better.

“You can’t read minds if you know body language,” says Scott Rouse, behavior analyst and author. “But you can make better decisions about what the person you’re talking to or observing is going through or might do next.”